Perception or Perspective?

Recently, the idea of perspective has been on my mind. I have had many discussions and thoughts on the topic. To get a better understanding, I thought I would ruminate on it. I’ve always thought perspective is just how we view things, but it’s so much more. Yes, it is how we view things, but how we view things helps shape who we are: how we view the world, and what’s important to us. Perspective is more than just our eye view, it’s our worldview.

I recently saw a movie entitled Flipped, which tells the story of a love affair between two kids. However, their love story is told in segments of her viewpoint, and then, the same part of the story from his viewpoint. The movie was interesting because the viewer got to see both perspectives as the story unfolded. In one particular scene, the girl overhears the boy talking about her to his friend, and the conversation turns negative. She is insulted and storms off. He, not knowing she was there, states that she’s not that bad, and he thinks he might like her. Oh, how things would be different if she had heard. I have often thought about that in my own life—what if I could view my relationships from the guy’s perspective? I know I would probably act differently in some situations. Which reminds me of the song If I Were a Boy by Beyoncé: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWpsOqh8q0M While I don’t think all men behave the way that is described in the song, I do think if the perspectives were understood by both people in a relationship, things might be slightly easier. In a Dierks and Elle King duet, they sing about how a guy and a girl handle breakups differently. The song makes it seem like guys just move on after a breakup, and the girl lays in her bed and cries. I distinctly remember when the video came out that Elle King said that Dierks was more emotional, and she was more like the guy in the song. The song described societal stereotypes. And while many in society ascribe to those stereotypes, we shouldn’t always believe that people will act the way they’ve always been perceived. At the end of the video, you can see the man staring at the girl’s picture—a very “unmanly” breakup action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXeL3CHdLYk. The point is: both songs are the songwriter’s perspective.

My mom found me a candle that reads: “I’m not anti-social. I’m socially selective.” I may be seen as anti-social, but I see myself as socially selective. I choose who I want to hang out with, and when I want to hang out. I like people, but in small doses. To me, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I also understand others may think I am not open, and I don’t have fun. I promise, I do.  

I began thinking in what other ways our perception of things might be askew or different depending on who we are.

Erasers. Last month, I sent my siblings this motivational message:

Same object. Different viewpoint. Honestly, I had never considered an eraser could be looked at differently. For me, erasers were always ways I could correct my mistakes. I had never seen them relating to attitude.  My perspective on erasers was altered because of this message.

Dandelion. I have always loved dandelions. I don’t know if it’s because they are my favorite color, but I have always seen beauty and magic in them—whether they are yellow or spores. I leave them in my yard. Most people, however, see dandelions as weeds. They use spray to kill them because they don’t want more in their yard.  This makes me sad. Not only are dandelions beautiful, but they have many health benefits—dandelion root tea is tasty, and has many positive effects on the digestive system. Instead of killing them, people could use them, but it depends on how they view them.

Biological parents. I had a very poignant talk with my brother the other day about biological parents. My biological father has never been a part of my life, and I have struggled with what I felt was his rejection of me for most of my life. But my brother wisely said, “he didn’t reject you; he rejected being a parent. He didn’t even know you, so he couldn’t reject you.” He went on to say, “If he walked away when you were three, or met you and then decided to walk away, then he rejected you.” When you’re the child in the situation it’s hard not to feel something is wrong with you when your biological parent doesn’t want to be part of your life. But, I often remind myself, I am not missing out, he is. I think people assume when biological parents and their children meet up it’s always positive, but it’s not always that way. Often, the reason the parents walked away are still there: they still don’t want to be parents. It’s hard, but that decision needs to be honored, just as we need to honor the decision of women and men who don’t want to get married or have children.

Forgiveness. I have been doing a Bible app on forgiveness. I have been working on forgiving those I struggle forgiving. We cannot forgive unless we realize we have been forgiven. We need to understand what it means to truly be forgiven to extend the same kind of forgiveness to someone else. Most of the time not forgiving someone actually hurts us more than it hurts them because they usually move on with their lives, and we carry the burden of hurt and pain. Forgiveness helps both parties involved, even if one party is unaware of the hurt they’ve caused.

Color. I took a perception class when I was I was in college. Color is determined by how your eye sees things. So, color is never really the same for two people. I never really understood this until I took the class. My dad is colorblind. Seeing color is something I often take for advantage, but I am aware of how it impacts people who can’t see color. For instance, if you tell someone who can’t read, to color something blue, and they can’t see blue, how do they figure out what to color the picture? When we play games, my dad has to be red because that’s one of the colors he can fully see. When we played Ticket to Ride, the red and orange were too closely related, and he couldn’t tell the difference, so we made him black. I am sure the creators of the game didn’t think about colorblind people when they made the game. They just chose the colors of the rainbow. I asked my dad how he sees color, and he said it’s mostly shades of gray. Fashion-wise, my dad is a disaster. He thinks everything matches, and when we tell him it doesn’t, he insists it does. We don’t argue, so he doesn’t match a lot. He thought the bowling ball he bought me when I was 10 was navy blue—it’s very purple. Not a big deal. I love that ball because he thought of me when he bought it. I am almost certain his favorite football team is the Chiefs because he can see their jersey colors. He loves when they wear all red. Being colorblind is really only a minor inconvenience for most—1) for the most part, what they see is what they see, so they don’t know differently, 2) scientists have developed special glasses to help colorblind people more clearly see colors, and 3) people who are colorblind see in shades (for the most part), so they make good snipers in the armed forces because they can see camouflaged items.

Positivity. For most people the glass is half full (positive) or half empty (pessimistic). A ‘glass-half-full person’ is an optimist, someone who always thinks that good things will happen. Meanwhile, as you might imagine, a ‘glass-half-empty person’ is a pessimist, someone who always thinks that bad things will happen. I try to be ‘a glass-half-full’ person because you can always find good in every situation. If you focus on the bad, you will only see the bad. If you only see the good, you will see the good. My grandma always said there is always a silver lining. Even when I feel low, I always try to remind myself things could be worse. Sometimes, it’s hard to see it, but I find when I look for the positive, I can find it. Research has found that seeing the glass half full not only makes you happier, it makes you healthier and wealthier. Positivity helps us understand what we have, and helps us to have gratitude for those things. A study by Psychologist Susan Segerstrom found that 10 years after graduation, law students who were optimistic earned an average of $32,667 more than their glass-half-empty peers (https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2012/09/19/see-the-glass-half-empty-or-full-7-keys-for-optimism-in-tough-times/?sh=4a0d18ed767f). Let’s be honest: people would rather spend time with others who are positive. I know I would. Other research has found that those who are positive are more decisive, playful, and creative (https://swns-research.medium.com/the-personality-differences-between-glass-half-full-and-glass-half-empty-people-2cfc05ad3706). Indicators would show being a glass half-full person is a better outlook on life.

Communication. Maybe this is a problem more now than in years past because of the lack of face to face communication in the world. We send a message to someone via phone, email, etc., and we know our intent when we send it, but context is often lost when you can’t read someone’s body language, or see someone’s face. When I am out with my friends, I put my phone away, so I can talk with them, so I can see the hidden messages behind their words—things I wouldn’t understand over a message or email. I prefer to talk to people over the phone instead of a message. I can hear the inflection in their voice.  Context is everything. Plus, what we mean in a message may not always be perceived in the same manner we sent it. I’ve been on the bad side of a misinterpreted message, and there was a lot of hurt that could have been avoided with clearer communication. Maybe, that’s why emojis were invented—to send facial expressions to other people. Recently, I have also considered all the messages that the media and government is sending to us—there have been contradictions, and different interpretation. This has only caused chaos instead of clarity. I also thought about this with the recent Aaron Rodgers/Packers rift—sports analysts were giving multiple reports on what was happening, but only the two sides knew what was really going on. In the same vein, things that happened between them were based on how both sides viewed different situations—both sides thought they were viewing the same situations correctly, but both sides ended up hurt in the end.

Sharks. If you know me, you know I love sharks. They are beautiful, majestic, and misunderstood. Most of this is because of how they are portrayed in tv and movies—as viscous and ferocious man-eaters. Don’t get me wrong—the rows of teeth are scary. But, cows, who are seen as cuddly and friendly, actually kill more people than sharks do each year. About 10 people are killed by sharks yearly, and about 100 people are killed by cows yearly. The best part of Shark Week to me is that the Discovery Channel debunks some of the common myths about sharks. If we understand them more, maybe we won’t be so scared of them.

I love reading, and my favorite book is all about different perspectives. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo tells the story of Jean Val Jean, who stole a loaf of bread to feed his sister’s 7  hungry children. He is sentenced to 5 years in prison, but ends up serving 19 because he tries to break out of prison several times. After his release, he is condemned by society for being a convict, so he assumes a new identity to pursue an honest lifestyle. He helps save several people’s lives, and he runs a factory, which he uses to help people, and becomes the mayor because he is so well liked. However, he is always being pursued by Inspector Javert, who oversaw his chain gain while in prison. Javert wants to send Val Jean back to prison because he can only see him as a criminal. He is consumed by the several small bad acts of Val Jean, he cannot see all the good he’s done. In the end, he sees the good man Val Jean has become, and he cannot reconcile his pursuit of the law, and the redemption of human. Morality is also seen in different perspectives. Val Jean stole the bread out of necessity, so was he really so bad? Should the government be blamed for not taking better care of the citizens? Elsewhere in the story, Fantine becomes a prostitute, and is only seen as a whore because she sells her body to make money. In truth, she is earning money to send back to innkeepers to keep her daughter alive—they are telling her that her daughter Cosette is deathly ill, but they are working her hard. These innkeepers are seen as respectable business people, but in reality are thieves and swindlers. This is all set to the backdrop of France’s June 1832 rebellion, which citizens of France had different perspectives of how they should be treated than the government. There is so much exploration about how the characters are seen, but  others’ perceptions of them do not define who they really are.

I love the book for so many reasons, but mainly because it deals with real human life. Yes, we don’t live in 19^th Century France, but people have been the same since the beginning of existence. People and life are complicated. There is no black and white. There is a lot of gray. There is a lot that is not understood by others. There is a lot of reasons why this happens. 1) We don’t care to see how others see the world. We only see how we see. 2) We think our perspective is right, and we can only see that way (kind of like Javert). 3) We may not have all of the relevant information to do so. 4) We assume other’s perspective is the same as ours, and we don’t ask them how they see things. 5) We don’t/can’t set aside our beliefs, concerns, and personal agenda while thinking of others. 6) We don’t want the way we see the world to be challenged.

I hope when others see me, and they try to determine who I am, they know there is more to me than just what their eye sees. I am complex, an enigma really. I take time and energy to get to know, but once you get to know me, I promise it’s worth it. I try to remind myself of this when I meet new people—people are more than what I see on the outside.

As a writer, point of view is a critical aspect of storytelling. It’s an important part of life. In a short story/novel point of view shapes how the reader views the story. One of the reasons I love Jane Austen is she plays with point of view—it challenges the reader to examine the story from different angles. She often tells the story through the protagonist’s point of view, and will add tidbits from an omniscient narrator. Austen’s books are worth reading just for this. The best example of her exploration of point of view is Pride and Prejudice.

As I was looking up perspective, one of the synonyms was vantage point. I often think examining a situation from different perspectives does give us more than one way to look at things. There was a movie titled Vantage Point which views the potential assassination of the President from different observers to put the entire story together. Often, other’s perspectives help us understand the world better. Perspectives will always be different because people change over time, so their views might change. Different messages might be interpreted differently based on the receiver. Our brain has a cognitive bias. The important thing is to try to go through life and hear other’s perspectives—you may not agree, or even understand, but if you don’t even try, then you’ll be seen as an egomaniac. As Atticus tells Scout in How to Kill a Mockingbird, that [you] “never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Trying to see the world from other’s perspectives would help the world’s citizens to be a lot kinder to one another because we’d have more empathy. After all, love and hate are just forms of perception.