Quirky

A quirk is “an unusual habit or part of someone’s personality, or something that is strange and unexpected” (Oxford). Quirks are part of what makes each of us individual—what makes us who we are. Everyone is strange in their own way. Quirks make us unique. They also help others remember us better. As a writer, I add quirks to my fictional characters to make them more real for the reader. Characters that feel real are more relatable to the reader. Quirks add depth to our character. Our quirks can also add humor to our lives, and the lives of others.

There are several types of quirks: 

• Physical Quirks. These involve unusual physical characteristics, such as distinct eye color, birthmarks, freckles, moles, or a unique hair color. They can also include things like wearing unusual glasses, having a perpetually messy appearance, or having asymmetrical features.  
• Behavioral Quirks: These are actions or habits that a person/character consistently displays, like fidgeting, being clumsy, needing to constantly talk about their accomplishments, or judging others too quickly.  
• Speech Quirks: These involve unusual patterns of speech, like stuttering, using certain phrases excessively, or having a distinctive accent. 

Human beings want to be seen as “normal.” We want to fit in and be part of the “in-crowd.” We don’t want people to talk about us or judge us. Who decides what’s normal, or cool, or acceptable? Think of kids. They freely like what they like because they like it, and no one is going to tell them that their weird, or it’s wrong (the elderly are like this, too). Think about the freedom in that! 

Some of the most interesting and successful people I know are writhe with quirks. Think Johnny Depp—his acting is made better by his unique personality traits. If he was “normal,” he wouldn’t be able to play Edward Scissorhands or Captain Jack Sparrow. Prince wouldn’t be able to sing the songs he did if he was “in-the-box.” He was a musical genius. Albert Einstein hated socks and refused to wear them. Mark Zuckerberg only eats meat he killed himself. Babe Ruth put lettuce in his helmet to cool his head down. Eric Church always wears sunglasses because his eyes are sensitive to light. Michael Jordan dunked a basketball with his tongue hanging out—that’s skill.  

It takes courage to let others see the true you. Quirks should not be seen as defects, but as distinctions. Quirks are unique, odd, and make a person stand out from the crowd. They are an aspect of someone’s personality that make them a little strange.  Because quirks are particular to oneself, they are hard to categorize. Our quirks also show the millions of ways people are different.  

For many people, “a quirk is a statement: I am unique, uniquely different,” says New York psychologist Barry Lubetkin. “And nothing pleases people more than to feel special, unique, different.” The term quirk is a word that semantically is more pleasing that weird or odd. The word quirk transforms what could be seen as a deficit, into a source of pride by ushering it well outside psychological confines. People don’t want to be confined. “Quirk is a fun term—it has lightness,” states Lubetkin. “People don’t want to know about habits they have, but they enjoy the idea of having a particular quirk.” 

Yet, there is still some questions about the line between being quirky and “weird,” or when quirks become a disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Here is an important difference: quirks don’t impede your ability to function. For instance, my hatred of birds makes me take different paths of walking at times, but it doesn’t hurt me to walk 10 more steps. However, if I was frozen when birds crossed my path, this could be considered a phobia. I just don’t like birds, so I avoid them, if possible. Most people view their own quirks as negative, while viewing others’ as unique and endearing. Quirks help distinguish us from other people. Quirks are delightful and fascinating. They are a puzzle piece of another person’s character. We must put all the pieces together to figure the person out.

There’s yet another facet of quirks that makes them agents of endearment. They are innocent, serving no ulterior purpose. “They are not transactional,” says family therapist Susan Birne-Stone. They exist not for the purpose of personal gain, just as pure expressions of personality. “They add to the pleasure of interacting with a person.” The point is acceptance of individuality: No negative judgment is applied to human variation; the door is open to enjoyment and even positive use of it.

No two brains are the same notes Debra Brause, a Los Angeles psychologist. The problem, she suggests, is that people are often raised with the idea there is one right way of doing things, one right way of being in the world. (As a rule-follower, I understand this desire.)  However, people benefit from multiple perspectives and multiple approaches. We then judge others, usually negatively, from the standard and pathologize differences. Sometimes, we judge ou4rselves most harshly.  

Quirks prove perfection is lie. Quirks exist as proof that perfection is a fantasy, an illusion, not merely impossible but unnecessary— irrelevant, actually—and its pursuit futile. Quirks embody the Japanese concept and philosophy known as wabi-sabi, which is a difficult-to-capture philosophy that recognizes the imperfectability and impermanence of things, values the personal and idiosyncratic, respects nature, not least for its irregularity, and accepts its fundamental uncontrollability. Imperfections are not to be hidden, but they are embraced and shown to the world. (More information here: The Philosophical Origins of Wabi Sabi – Wabi Sabi).

Quirks connect people and create intimacy. “To see another’s flaws as endearing enables me to accept my own and not judge you,” says Lubetkin. Adoring imperfection in another allows people to be vulnerable themselves. “Seeing a quirk wielded positively by one person gives permission to others. Something I love in you helps me accept my own fallibility,” say Lubetkin. Quirks make us all human. When we see a quirk in another person, that quirk helps us recognize we may be different, but there are people like us.  

Viewing quirks as strengths liberates people to use those quirks as instruments and tools for interacting with the world. I love the things that make me quirky and unique. My quirks strengthen me and make me a better person. I am not afraid to show who I am to the world. No one (but me) would say I am boring. Seeing quirks as flaws to be concealed creates a defensive mentality and helps one to avoid exposure. Being negative about quirks wastes energy that can be applied to positive pursuits. Accepting one’s quirks—and seamlessly integrating them into one’s personality—allows them to be wielded for good.  

Utilizing your quirks displays your best personality. Learning to use quirks at the right place, and in the right way is a skill. Being quirky is a distinguishing feature.” A signature. A trademark. A vehicle of authenticity. People desire other people who are authentic. Authenticity makes a person tangible, relatable. Real. And we all seek people we see as real. 

Making your quirkiness work for you starts with self-awareness: knowing yourself, accepting yourself, choosing to express your quirk—and, as with any feature, knowing when to employ it. “You need a bit of courage or confidence to display your true quirkiness,” New York Psychiatrist, Grant Brenner explains. “You can’t be afraid to take risks. You have to be willing to fail. You have to test it, take an improvisational approach, allow yourself to go off-script. You have to have it as a goal to let yourself be your best quirky you.” If you’re like everyone else, you’re replaceable. Being different helps you win—if you’re like everyone else (and most of us try to be), we will increase the competition.  

The most powerful people don’t conquer their quirks—they seamlessly integrate them into their lives to make an impact. Human beings have traits that inherently make them quirky. Maybe those traits have been labeled “weaknesses.” If you’re like most people, you may have tried to fix them. Eradicate them. Push them away so they don’t embarrass you. Getting rid of your quirks would be a terrible mistake. Those quirks are the gifts that make you exceptional. Your sweet spot—where you are remarkable—is at the intersection of your strengths, weaknesses, differences, and passions—your quirks, even.  

If your quirks aren’t appreciated by the people around you. Don’t change yourself: change your environment; change your context; most importantly change the people around you. Be true to yourself. You’ll never be a better someone else than you are yourself. You were meant to be YOU.  

Quirks are your superpower.