Being a Highly Sensitive Person

If you have ever spoken to me, and I’ve zoned out (or looked like I’ve zoned out), it’s me, not you. For years, I have known that I have Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Tendencies, and borderline Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), but I have learned to function with the occurrences. When I zone out, I know everything that’s happening, but my brain almost acts like it has short-circuited. It’s an out-of-body experience. I have times where I need a minute to process things and decompress. The worst was when I had a panic attack in Target because there were too many people and sounds and the lights were too bright.

I often experience overstimulation. I am sensitive to subtleties (this is a Durant family trait, aka Hypervigilance Disorder, lol). I experience emotions deeply (though privately) –poetry is a great way to work through them. For this reason, I form deep, emotional connections with people. When I deep dream, I have very vivid, story-like dreams. I am a texture eater (no soggy bread, pudding or heavy/dense foods for me). I don’t like the way certain fabrics feel–don’t get me started if my sock lines are crooked on my toes, hehe, that’s why I prefer being barefoot. I do not prefer physical touch–I will accept it when it’s the right person and the right time, but I don’t want someone to just come up and hug me.

When I become overwhelmed, I seek quiet time and space to decompress. Having HSP is interesting when you live with a loud, big-personalities family. There is always a “quiet room” for me at family events. Thankfully my family recognizes when I become overstimulated. Sometime, before I do. If something bad happens, I need someone to talk to, so I can process all of my thoughts/feelings, so they aren’t swirling inside my head. It might seem minor to you, but my brain often catastrophizes little things. I have learned techniques to help prevent spiraling. If you have ever listened to me when I have processed, thank you. I know it’s a lot. I know all my thoughts are a lot.

If I face a potential vulnerable conversation, I need time to consider how I feel about it, and what I want to say. Usually, after I have said it, I analyze every part of what I’ve said. So, if we ever have one of these conversations, be patient with me. TIA. 

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. I have since realized I get overstimulated by stimuli. A Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, is a term coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. According to Aron’s theory, HSPs are a subset of the population who are high in a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity, or SPS. Those with high levels of SPS display increased emotional sensitivity, stronger reactivity to both external and internal stimuli—pain, hunger, light, and noise—and a complex inner life (yay, to being a thinker! overthinker!). This is not a disorder. It’s a personality trait, like green eyes and red hair.

I have found myself to be sensitive to critique–both good and bad. My brain will fixate on little comments and overanalyze them, which makes me slower to make decisions because I analyze all aspects of the situation. I take mistakes/embarrassment/rejection more easily, and because of this stress out and perform worse under pressure than I am capable of–and then the cycle begins again. People (and animals) with HSP observe more before acting, react more strongly, and are easily overwhelmed because sometimes there is too much information to process. Other people may not understand the thought processes of a HSP, and you may think their ideas/feelings are quirky and weird, but they make sense to the HSP.

HSP is considered a minority. This is in contrast to the majority, who spend less energy observing and reflecting, are rarely overwhelmed, take more risks, are usually more aggressive, and learn much less from their experience. In some situations, the majority get what they want–having acted faster, but in other cases, the cost of this strategy is high, because their impulsiveness can get them into trouble.

Although I have learned coping skills to lessen my body and mind’s overstimulation. If I know I am going to be in a highly stimulating environment, I decompress before, and I make sure to find quiet afterward. I eat foods that have textures I enjoy. I wear clothes without tags, or cut itchy tags out. I am working on being less connected to my phone. I turn DND at 10pm, and I will often (not always) ignore the vibrations if I hear them–I do this by putting my phone across the room. When I know there are going to be multiple noises, I employ my noise-canceling headphones. I have learned to adapt. 

Upon doing some research, I would consider myself a Sensitive Striver. Sensitive Strivers are those who are HSP but show higher than normal ambition and constantly seek to grow. There are both upside and downsides to this trait. I often feel like I am not good enough/ I didn’t do enough. It’s pretty common among HSPs, along with introversion (70/30). If you want more information on Sensitive Strivers, I found this a good resource: What is a Sensitive Striver & Are You One? — Melody Wilding.

There are 3 types of HSP: super sensors, super feelers, and aesthetes. I would consider myself a combination of being a super sensor and feeler. The trait is a spectrum, and no two HSPs are the same. They are also not necessarily empaths (I am not one) or neurotics (which I have some traits, but I am learning to cope with them better). To find out more about the 3 Main Types: The 3 Main Types of High Sensitivity | Psychology Today.

I have taken the HSP test and found I am HSP, though I sometimes call it my “Sensory Processing Disorder, ” though that’s often found in children. My score was in the moderately-high range. If you think you might be HSP the test can be found here: Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person. You can also find more information on HSP and me, here: The Highly Sensitive Person. Psychology Today was an excellent resource in my research. I found this article: 14 Traits of Highly Sensitive People | Psychology Today. I also found this article: 24 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person | Psychology Today, which I found my life matches most of these 24 traits in some way.

If someone you know is highly sensitive, it’s first critical to accept that it is part of their personality and likely can’t be changed. Giving the person space to decompress, encouraging self-care, and looking for the strengths inherent in their sensitivity can help the relationship—and the individual—thrive. There are many resources to help, including books: Amazon.com : highly sensitive person book. And HSPs will be happy to talk to you. If you have questions, ask. Just be prepared to wait for the answer 😉