What’s In An Age?
Some things get better with age—a fine wine, stinky (tasty) cheese, whisky, beef, cast iron skillets (we purposefully season them), balsamic vinegar, jeans, leather, and one of my favorites: pickles.
But who can say, we as people can’t get better with age?
As humans, we fear age—hate age, but why? I know so many people who fear turning 30, then 40—but that’s no life to live, and there is no reason to fret getting older. Age is an important number, but it can also be deceiving. I have seen people throw lavish parties, while others lie about their age, and others try to cover it up. I have never understood why people can’t age gracefully—I don’t understand Botox and plastic surgery to cover up signs of aging. It’s really sad to me. Aging is beautiful, and you’re only as young (or as old) as you feel/act live.
The beauty of age comes with time and need not be compared to a youthful appearance, but instead is to be recognized and celebrated as a different kind of beauty. What is the best way of developing a perspective of aging well? One way is to spend time with people of an older age because you can learn what brings them joy and meaning in their older age—it’s also allows them to reminisce about their past and allows you to hear firsthand accounts of what happened the past you didn’t get to experience yourself.
Americans live in a youth-based culture. We want to look young, feel young, and be young. In other cultures, the elderly are almost sacred. In places like Japan, China, and India parents stay with their children in older age, and the children take care of their parents until their death. One country in the West that has an extremely high amount of respect for its elders is Greece. This is displayed in part of the Greek culture with the value called philotimo, which means “doing good”. Children can show philotimo when they love and respect their elders, highlighting how ingrained this is within Greek culture. I loved walking around the streets of Athens and watching the elderly men playing backgammon on the street corners, just living their best lives.
I often think of what older people have seen because I think about all I’ve seen. In a book titled Happiness is a Choice You Make by John Leland, who spent time researching New York’s eldest community, talking to the elderly from diverse cultures, backgrounds, and life experiences. Leland noted, “These people totally changed my life. They’ve given up distractions that make us do stupid things and instead focus on what’s important to them. To a person, they don’t worry about things that might happen. They worry when it happens, and even then, they don’t worry. They just deal with it. At whatever age we are, we can choose to adapt to whatever happens. We have influence over whether we let things knock us out.” There is a lot we can learn from those who have gone before us—we can learn about the best way to move forward as we age.
I often think of the elderly people I have interactions with. They don’t understand how to deal with technology—they didn’t grow up with it. I am often confused by it, so I can’t imagine how confused they feel. Our world is becoming increasingly mobile, and if they don’t understand how to interact with it, how can they function? They deserve better. We should help them learn how to adapt to the ever-changing world in front of us.
We should look at aging as “good enough,” not that we have to accomplish certain things by a certain age. Who put those restrictions/demands on life? Who says by 30 we have to accomplish certain things in our lives? This is society. Live the life you want to live—be the best person you can be—at any age. My parents have always surrounded themselves with my siblings and our young friends; they say it keeps them young. Doing so has allowed them to stay young themselves. Dr. Robert D. Hill coined the phrase “positive aging” Positive aging is “affected by disease and disability, but not contingent upon avoiding it.” Rather, it is “a state of mind that is positive, optimistic, courageous, and able to adapt and cope in flexible ways with life’s changes.”
To stay young at any age it is important to try new things. Learn new skills. Challenge your brain. Creativity opens us up to richness and adds new possibilities to our lives. Creativity can benefit aging by strengthening morale, improving physical health, enriching relationships and establishing a legacy. A legacy you can share with others when you are older.
There is no room for regrets when you age happily. Focus on the present. Don’t focus on a future that might never be. We are never guaranteed tomorrow. In the words of William Butler Yeats:
When You Are Old
By William Butler Yeats
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And love your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you.
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars
Enjoy every moment you are alive. Don’t fear turning 30 or 40 or 50 or 60—you are only as old or as young as you feel. Don’t let society dictate how you age. Age beautifully, gracefully, smartly, individually, and leave a legacy. Your legacy.
There are good things about aging:
- Learn more about yourself
- Realize your oneness with the Universe
- Find the light in all people
- Bless and encourage others
- Love your body as it is
- Do not subscribe to pretenses
- Savor every moment
- Dare yourself to think of immortality.
- Stay active
- Commune with the angels
One of the greatest blessings of aging may be the opportunity to experience our own genuineness more fully and deeply than ever before. What do we have to lose? Take time to sit with yourself and understand who you are. Get rid of any artificial constructs or self-images we may have developed over the years. You are not who society wants to tell you who you are or should be. Get rid of all pretenses. Discover the unique, divine masterpiece you truly are and let that shine through with increasing clarity. British poet William Henry Davies said, “A poor life this, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.” Take it all in. Every breath, moment, day, week, month, year. With the gift of age, we have the opportunity to become increasingly aware of the wonder and magic present at any moment. We also have the extraordinary privilege and opportunity of savoring what is always here with us at any moment — the stillness and peace of our own eternal being. Enjoy that being to the fullest. Take advantage of the remarkable opportunity, as we age, to open your mind and heart to the unthinkable possibility that although bodies are mortal, who we truly are is immortal. Who you are at the core of your being is not born and does not die. With the gift of age, we have the opportunity to become more aware of the immortality of our own being. I find that when I let go of thought for a few moments, and become truly still, it is very easy and natural to think the “unthinkable” – that is to say, to feel what cannot be thought, or understood, but can definitely be felt in our heart.
My advice: live your best life, no matter what age you are.
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