Dr. Lehman

I realized today that I haven’t had a meltdown about school in a while, and I am proud of myself for that. I expected one would happen while I was writing my Literature Review because I heard how bad it was going to be. Honestly, it hasn’t been as difficult as I expected it to be, but I haven’t started writing the chapter yet. Just doing the research. For me, the writing will be easier. I struggle with research. I do not struggle with writing. Cross your fingers, my goal is to have a draft by April. To tell you the truth, I really believe it’s a God thing—after all, with God, I can do all, and I have been focusing on being positive and relying more on Him and his timing. Because of this initiative, I have not been stressed out as much as I used to. (I watched the documentary The Secret on Netflix, and I am going through a 28 day gratitude study in the same book series by Rhonda Byrne called The Magic. You should check out the series, the Twitter page, etc. I noticed a difference pretty quickly when I started following the principles.) Let me tell you, being free of stress and anxiety is an amazing thing!

As classes begin, it’s in the back of my mind that this is my third to last quarter of Doctoral work, and it’s the third anniversary of when I began this journey. When I started, I knew it would be difficult, but I don’t think I knew how difficult. I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into. Some of my goals have changed in the time frame. When I started my Doctoral journey, I wanted to work in local/state politics to change educational legislation in America. Anyone who knows me well knows this was a difficult goal for me because I hate politics. I don’t like talking about them, and in general, I think they permeate too much of our lives. I generally don’t share my political opinion because I don’t want to argue with people, and the issues that I think are important are important to me, so I will work to change them in my way. After taking a few courses, I realized I didn’t want to work in politics, even if  I could make changes to something I was passionate about. I also learned there is so much more to Social Policy and Public Administration (the degree is now Public Policy and Administration) than just politics. I can change policy by being a member of an organization, whether that organization is related to the government, or if I choose to be part of one considered a non-governmental organization (NGO). For instance, I joined the Drake Group, which is fighting for academic integrity for intercollegiate sports. I even have edited a position paper for the group, which will be sent to a Senator to use in Congress. If you want to know more about the group, check out the organization’s website: https://thedrakegroup.org/. During my coursework, I wanted to change education testing, and then I wanted to change Special Education and IEPs. There is a lot that can be fixed with the educational system in America, at every level.

It wasn’t until my parents hosted a baseball player two summers ago, and I watched a documentary called Schooled that I realized where my passion related to education truly was—the education of student-athletes. The NCAA does student-athletes a great disservice in my opinion. When I watched that documentary, I knew I could find a manageable goal to help change student-athletes’ educations. I realized that I can be a part of a college/university’s Athletic Department to ensure I am a part of those changes. I can marry my love for sports and education. This makes me happy and excited for what the future holds. I know I can make a difference for future student-athletes.

These three years have been hard at times. Very hard. During my first quarter, I received a B in my Ethics class. Because of a mistake, I submitted the same assignment two weeks in a row. My professor emailed me about it, but I never saw the email. I was less than a point away from an A. It sucks, but I learned from that mistake. I always triple check my assignments now. Then, there was my Statistics class. I hate math, but I love statistics. They make sense to me. They tell a story. They clarify things. Still, I struggled that quarter. I worked my butt off, and I earned an A. In December 2017, I attended my first Residency in Washington DC. During the Residency, everyone had to share their dissertation ideas. As I listened to everyone discuss their dissertation, I felt like mine was insignificant and wouldn’t make a difference in the world. My ideas to change the educational value system for student-athletes seemed trivial.  After all, my dissertation deals with such a small population of the world. After an extremely long day of lectures and meetings, I sat in my hotel room and cried. I called my mom with tear-filled eyes, and told her how I was feeling. She gave me great advice: she told me that my dissertation didn’t have to change the world; it just had to change the world for one person. I felt much better after I hung up the phone, and I knew she was right. I had a renewed sense of fortitude. I was good until October last year. Another Residency, another meltdown. This time the Residency was virtual, but it was two weeks of 3+ hours nightly of Doctoral talk. My brain was fried. Again, everyone discussed their dissertation, and every dissertation seemed to have heavy, political undertones. My non-political-self couldn’t take it. We were in the midst of a hurricane during the last day, and I was really hoping that my power would cut off, so I could skip the last night of 3+ hour long lectures and go to Music Bingo. However, I was not so lucky, and the power did not go out, so I stayed home to listen to the discussions. The next day, I told my parents, my brother’s girlfriend, and my Bingo partner that I was quitting school. My mom looked and me and said, “you knew what you were signing up for when you decided to do this;” my brother’s girlfriend told me that I couldn’t quit; and my Bingo partner told me that I was not a quitter, and quitting wasn’t who I was.

Although I never intended to quit, I needed to say the words, and I needed people to kick me into gear. I have had moments of discouragement…lots of them. Thankfully, no meltdowns. Every time I have down moments, someone has been there to pick me up. Someone told me that important schooling comes with meltdowns, and that I couldn’t compare my stress to other people’s stress because what I was doing mattered. That person always makes me laugh, helps me get out of my head, and oftentimes, puts things in perspective. As a logical person, I have a tendency to be in my head and overthink and over-analyze. Someone else told me that I was 1/5^th assing my studies because I said I was slacking. Ever since those words were said, I have not 1/5^th assed my schooling! I won’t say I never procrastinate or don’t give 100%, but I do it. I push myself through it.

So, as classes begin today, I need to say thank you to everyone who has helped me, and everyone who will help me. They say that it takes a village to raise a child…I believe that it takes a village to make a Doctor. I can’t wait until November when I can say that I am Dr. Morgan Laine Lehman, and it’s official. When graduation happens in January, I am throwing my village a huge party because I didn’t do this alone. I am not doing this alone. Yes, I will be the only one that will have the Doctoral degree, but I owe it to every one of you. Oh, and if your contribution was significant, I will even mention you in my acknowledgments page….I’ve become good at writing those, haha! I think it’s important to recognize the people who have helped you in life, whether they do something big or small. So, thank you, thank you, thank you. There are too many of you to thank you individually, but at the party, I will.

Today, I look at the picture of the day I received my Master’s degree. I think of all the people who helped me get that far…my professors, my friends, my family….I received my Master’s on my 30^th birthday. I was the first woman in my family to receive a BA, though my mom was right there with me, and I will be the first one to receive a MA. When I receive my Doctorate, I will be the first person on either side of the family to receive a PhD. Until now, my MA was the best gift I’ve ever given myself. It showed me that I could persevere, and I could make myself press forward and continue until I completed a task. When I receive this Doctoral degree, it won’t be just mine. This Doctoral degree will be for everyone I can help, and everyone who has helped me. It will be a symbol of what it means to finish something you start, even when it is difficult, and you want to quit. This Doctorate is more than just a piece of paper, some funny clothes, and a name change…it’s a process that has shaped me into who I am today.

 As I reflect on what I want to do, where I want to go, and who I want to be after I complete my degree, I know you all will be there helping me on my journey. I want to show my nieces and nephews that you can do whatever you want to do if you set your mind to it. It takes hard work and dedication. It used to bother me when people called me Doctor or Dr. Lehman because I haven’t earned it yet. Upon reflection, I realized I need to let people call me Dr. Lehman, so I have a reminder I can accomplish it, and I am almost there. In The Secret philosophers give the advice that if you want something to happen, you have to visualize it, so call me Doctor Lehman if you want because I’ll use it as my visualization. That’s why I’ve been annoyingly posting about my Doctorate on my social media…it’s not to remind anyone that I am getting my PhD, it’s to remind myself of what the end goal is. The end goal is to be Dr. Lehman in November 19^th.

I wanted to complete my Doctorate by the time I was 30, but life happened, and my life is not where I planned or wanted it to be. Through my studies and life experiences, I have learned that right here and right now is where I am supposed to be. God has a plan for my life, and this is it. If I would have completed my degree when I was 30, I probably wouldn’t be home in North Carolina. I wouldn’t have met some of the people I have, who I needed to meet, because they have made a difference in my life, for the better. I am grateful I have learned that lesson, and for all the other lessons I have learned in this process. I am also thankful that I can use what I have learned, my intelligence, my knowledge etc. to help others and hopefully help them have better lives.

33 weeks…that’s all the schooling I have left…ever. It seems like a long time, but I know it will pass quickly. Before I know it, November will be here. During those 33 weeks, I appreciate your love, concern, and patience with me as I navigate my future. I know the sacrifices and tears will be worth it. Not just for me, but for y’all as well. And when it is finished, we will all celebrate together! I love you and thank you for your past and future support. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.