Joy

Yesterday, I saw this meme:  

It hit me hard. Life is hard. I have had some heaviness in my life recently—and it has weighed heavily on my heart and mind—in some ways, I feel I haven’t truly been myself. I am 100% a person who carries the load without talking about it, which makes it heavier. Then I am stressed/burnt out, and I treat people not how I would want them to treat me. I am working on being more open and vulnerable with people, especially my feelings.  LIFE IS HARD. We all experience tough times where we need to find little moments of joy.  When those terrible moments happen—you can find ways to cope and add joy to your life again.  

Dr. Joyce Brothers suggests that if you feel you have lost your zest for life, you create a Happiness Inventory. Consider all the good things in your life. She said, “when you start to look at all the good things, you get a perspective on the bad things.” Brothers suggests that many of us will find our greatest joys come from our family and the people we love. When I used to have my gratitude journal, I spent time each day thinking about the things that made my life better. It was a good exercise, but it fell out of my daily routine. It’s something I’ve considered reinstituting.  

Happiness, and therefore joy, are a choice. We must make them intentionally. It’s easy to get bogged down in the things we *have* to do, but if we choose our priorities—to do what we want to do—we won’t’ find so much dread in our day. Some of this is evaluating our relationships—sometimes, we must end relationships which drain us or cause us anxiety. Choosing happiness, and thereby joy, is intentional—it takes effort.  

We live in a world where doctors are quick to prescribe happy pills. While some people may need those pills, most of us can learn strategies to choose happiness through talk therapy. Thankfully, the world is losing the stigma of seeing a therapist or someone to talk to/with. Beginning earlier this year, I began talking to a Life Coach because my life was in transition, and I wasn’t sure how to handle things. We talk once a week—mostly about things that have happened during the week. Some are big (family/friends/work), while others are small things (how do I handle?). Talking to her every week has been helpful—it’s helped me more fully express my feelings and be more vulnerable. Talking to someone, without judgment, has also helped me know what I am saying and feeling is important and heard. She’s also given me techniques on how to sleep better and enjoy each moment better. I believe my relationships have improved after speaking to someone. 

If you’ve read Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World, there is a perfect pill people take, which makes them happy all the time. In theory, that sounds great; however, we need bad things in life to really understand and appreciate happiness and joy. “Finding joy isn’t about dissociating from all your difficulties and the bad things in the world. It’s about finding balance so you can sustain yourself. It’s about giving yourself permission to set your burdens down, recover, and then pick them up again.” Dr. Anne Browning, UW School of Medicine.  

We also can’t buy happiness with things. Yes, the items brought can add joy to our lives. However, it’s how we use those items. We can’t rely on money to be our source of joy. Pop culture bombards us with examples of happy people—on tv or on social media. We get caught up in the “reality” of it. No one has a perfect life. If they are portraying it, they are usually covering up for something. People are hiding behind personas. Again, we need techniques, not comparisons. We will make ourselves miserable by comparing our life to the lives of others. Yes, they might be going on vacation, getting married, or having a baby, but be happy for them. What aspects of your life bring you joy? 

Christianity teaches its followers to become like little children. There is truth to that idea. Little children experience joy adults allow to fade away as we age. Children have no joy filter, and it’s amazing. Yes, children have their moments of crankiness, but generally, those moments don’t last long. Children choose not to fixate on the bad things that happen in their lives, and they choose joy. Adults need to be like them and intentionally choose to be happy every day of our lives. 

Outside of religion, there is little information on happiness and joy. Researchers often focus on negative emotions because they are easier to understand. We need to understand the good, too, because they are an important part of human life. A study conducted by Northumbria University’s Maria Roberts and Richard Appiah (2025) suggests joy and happiness have the unique potential, to foster the kind of well-being “derived from living in alignment with one’s values, purpose, and personal growth.” The Broaden-and-Build Theory proposes that even a fleeting sense of joy can be enough to negate the effects of negative emotions, and, according to one source, serve as “a powerful antidote to hate and division.” 

Roberts and Appia (2025) found four themes about happiness and joy in their study: 

1. We can find joy every day. 
2. Joy must be nurtured. 
3. Coping can help you find joy. 
4. Cultivate joy in your life. Because joy is deeper than happiness. It’s deeper and longer lasting. Create joy and live it fully. 

Joy is a multi-faceted emotional experience that everyone has access to. Joy helps us connect to the world and create a stronger sense of well-being. Do not discount the little, daily moments that create and foster joy in life. Those moments are not insignificant, and they should not be discounted. Joy may be misunderstood and fleeting, but we should cherish the paradox of happiness and joy as it sends us on a path to greater fulfillment. With all that’s going on in the world and our personal lives, we should not feel guilty for feeling happiness and joy, even when life is hard. Our lives are meant to be joyful! 

Here are 7 small strategies you can use to create joy in your life: 

1. Be intentional: when negative things happen to you, instead of focusing on them, shift your thinking to the good that happens in your life. You are the writer of your emotions. Author them towards positivity. 
2. Laugh: laughter really is medicine. Find ways to laugh. 
3. Go Outside: nature is calming for your mind, soul, and nervous system. Go on a short walk. Sit in the sunshine. Observe nature through the window if you’re stuck inside. 
4. Reset your nervous system: step away from the world, and the overstimulation that comes with it. Do something that makes YOU feel happy—no matter what it is. 
5. Plan something fun: Who doesn’t like fun!  “Anticipating something good to come impacts your mood and how you move through your day,” says Browning. So, whether it’s a date night or trivia, or what makes life fun, plan it, and stick to the plan. 
6. Try new things: Break the routine. Often our routines cause the feelings of stuckness and negativity. Doing new things is good for your brain. Plus, if you’re doing something like learning a new skill or hobby, it could be something that ends up bringing unexpected joy. 
7. Seek support: a friend, a therapist. No matter who you choose, it’s important to know you are not alone on this journey. 

So, today and every day, make it your goal to choose happiness and joy!