Label Me This

We walk through life, we observe things, and we judge things; it’s human nature. As a writer, I spend a lot of time observing people, and I have been told I use my observations to create labels for others. This is true. I judge people from my observations. Lately, I have been thinking a lot how we assign labels to things and people after we observe them. From the moment we come into this world, we are labeled. We are given a name, so we know who we are. I am Morgan Laine Lehman.

By definition a label is, “a small piece of paper, fabric, plastic, or similar material attached to an object and giving information about it,” or “a classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing, especially one that is inaccurate or restrictive.” Both definitions explain the pros and cons of labeling. We label things because it gives us meaning, and for humans meaning creates happiness. But, the meaning can also create misery.

In the current world situation, we have been trained to label things and others—especially if we don’t like or agree with what we are putting the label on. One of the biggest examples of this is politics. In today’s political society, Washington politicians are busy pushing to people to choose sides to the far-right or far-left, and they are manipulating American citizens to choose what side they are on, and they are pitting the two sides against each other. The truth of the matter is most people (at least the ones I know) are middle-of-the-road when it comes to politics. The two sides are at odds in Washington, which means our country is extremely divided right now. Politics are ruining life in America, as we once knew it—it seems like if you have an opinion that’s different from someone else, you are labeled as wrong and a bad person. Anyone that doesn’t agree with you, is wrong and a bad person. It’s an endless, unproductive cycle of hate and misunderstanding where people are coming from. We will never learn anything from others, if we label them as bad for thinking differently than we do. I have learned when I try to understand where opposing opinions come from; I learn more about the people who believe in them. Generally, it doesn’t change my opinion, but I can learn how to communicate with people who don’t believe the same things I do.

In a world of #cancel culture, friends have become enemies, and people are at odds. Kids toys and books are under attack. Everything seems to be attacking something else.  I recently read an interesting article about America’s current political state: https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-much-longer-can-this-era-of-political-gridlock-last/?utm_source=pocket-newtab. This political separation (no one in Washington, and by learned example, American citizens, are not willing to listen to each other or work together) is going to lead to a second Civil War. The world has become angry keyboard warriors against anything and everything against their personal belief system. People shred people apart for minor things. We live in an angry, critical world. I believe this inability to politely disagree will be the downfall of America. I believe it deep within my heart and soul. It’s unnerving, and I hope I am wrong.

We label things to make us feel better in some way. Our former lover’s new relationship partner is a bitch/asshole because it makes us feel better we are not with the person. Their rejection of us was for someone worse. One of my boyfriends moved on, and I hated the other woman. I got to know her, and I realized we had a lot in common. Maybe he didn’t dump me for her—maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe we were supposed to learn from the relationship, so we could be better in the following one. (He married her, BTW).

We label people and things we know nothing about. The homeless. The overweight. The smart. Blondes. Brunettes. Fat. Ugly. Rich. Poor. Short. Tall. You name it, we have affixed a label to it. I was recently watching episodes of House, and in two of them labeling was a forefront topic. In one episode, one of the doctors didn’t want to treat a homeless person because he assumed she was on drugs, and she wanted a place to stay for the night. Throughout the episode, he learns she is homeless because her husband and child died in a car crash she survived, she suffered a psychotic break, and she turned to the streets. In another episode, one of the other doctors judges a 10-year-old girl, who is morbidly obese. He says things like she’s lazy, and she doesn’t care. Throughout the episode he laments how fat Americans are, as he is Australian. This is a common label Europeans put on an Americans. When I was in Amsterdam, my friend and I met a guy on the street, and when we said we were Americans, he replied, “But you’re not fat.” In today’s world, we see a lot of homeless people, and a lot of obese people. For the most part, we drive past the homeless, probably thinking to ourselves, they chose something that put them in that situation. Maybe they did. Maybe they didn’t. But we don’t know. There’s a Country song called “Somebody’s Daughter” by Tenille Townes where she discusses this. The lyrics can be found here: https://genius.com/Tenille-townes-somebodys-daughter-lyrics. The truth is as the song says: it could be me on that street corner, begging for money. I totally admit, I have had past prejudices against obese people—I would see them in the drive-thru and think they shouldn’t be there. I shouldn’t have been there either, but that wasn’t the point of my labeling and judgment. But, I didn’t know the reasons for their obesity. I have been overweight. My weight was a result of depression. Maybe their reasons were genetic.

I have been labeled in my own personal life as well. People look at me, and they think that my life has always been pleasant and happy. For the most part it has been. But, if you’ve read my previous posts you know I struggle with anxiety; have had bouts of depression and anger, and I struggle with vulnerability. My friends have labeled me perfect, which I am nowhere near, and the label had led to unattainable expectations.

It’s easy to assume because someone is part of a group, they embody that group. Family. Friends. Sororities, etc. A last name is a label of sorts—I am a member of the Lehmans. In the past, I have struggled with that. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a Lehman, but there are some aspects of being a member of my family that I don’t fit. I am shy and quiet, where the rest of my family is more extroverted. Don’t get me wrong, I can be extroverted and loud. Some of my siblings have made decisions in their lives that have caused negative viewpoints from others and because I am a Lehman, I have been judged for the decisions they made. But people aren’t their families, and people are not the decisions they make. I don’t want my siblings to be judged for what I have chosen to do.

One thing about growing up with 3 sisters is we were always compared to one other. I was the smart one, Kayla was the exotic one, Sam was the funny one, and Hannah was the model. After growing up and talking to my sisters, I realized (I think they did, too) that we all thought the labels people ascribed to us were different, and at one time or another, those labels made us not feel the best.

I recently learned a friend went to jail for a poor decision he made in his past. Because of that decision, he couldn’t get a job, and people judged him as a bad person. But, he’s an amazing person. Now, years later, he is successful, and he learned from his mistake. An addict will always struggle with addiction, but if we label them, they may be more likely to create an others-fulfilling prophesy. I don’t want to be judged for the things of my past, and I am going to strive not to label people based on their past actions. As humans, we need to give other humans the benefit of the doubt before we label them because we don’t know what they have been through to get them where they are now. I have given this example before, but I judged my friend Ilya before getting to know him. Luckily, I gave him a chance, and he has been my friend and confidante for the last 15 years. I try not to label him my best friend because I don’t want to compare my friendship with him to my other friends—each friendship serves a unique purpose in my life. I need them all for different reasons.

There are some labels which are seen as good labels. For instance, the title Doctor. Yes, I earned the title of Doctor last year. Yet, I am more than that label. I earned that title because I worked hard and persisted to get that title. It bothers me to be called Doctor, though. I know people are using it as a sign of respect, but I am Morgan. You can just call me Morgan 😉 When people call me Dr. Lehman or Dr. Morgan, I think they think I am better or smarter than they are—which is not true; I set a goal and accomplished it. I love learning, and I wanted to share that love of learning with others.

Labels help fuel our outrage. We label things we are afraid of, or want to avoid. If you live in America, you have seen other Americans label the things they don’t understand and don’t want to understand. Our labels create prejudices and negative feelings. Labeling is part of the human experience—we want to label things, so we can try to understand them. However, those labels often come from our learned experiences and cultural influences. Some Americans called it the Chinese virus because it allowed them to place blame on another community. Labels can create prejudices and unrealistic expectations. Not all blondes are dumb. Not all Asians are smart. Not all gingers are angry. People aren’t what we label them.+

Labeling helps humans compartmentalize situations and behaviors, which often reveals something about us. It’s called projection, and by labeling someone as something, it is often a quality in us we don’t like and want to get rid of.  When I began college I called myself fat (I weighed 165 pounds) because I was unhappy with how I looked, and I realized if I gained the Freshman 15 I’d weigh the same as my dad. Labeling myself fat caused me to lose 40 pounds my freshman year. Labels reflect and affect how others think about our identities as well as how we think about ourselves. Often, as a defense mechanism, we label our self before others can, so it takes away some of the pain that comes from others recognizing our faults. Sometimes, those labels become self-fulfilling prophecies, and we hate our self for the created label. I think of the movie The Greatest Showman, and how the circus performers were labeled freaks and other hurtful names for various reasons.  Instead of fighting the negativity, the performers became what they were labeled and hid away from the world. In the song, This is Me they recognized they can be themselves and are still worthy of love: “I am who I’m meant to be, this is me / Look out ’cause here I come / And I’m marching on to the beat I drum / I’m not scared to be seen / I make no apologies, this is me.” We need to live beyond the labels others (and ourselves) give and just be us.

When I was a teenager, I made a list of all the qualities I wanted in my future husband. I labeled him tall, thin, blonde, a good singer, etc. I’ve learned over the years that no man would ever meet the expectations I wrote on that list. I have dated men, who have fit into some of those characterizations, but no man is that dream man. Not even Jensen Ackles, though he’s close, haha (also married). I have learned through experience I might like a brunette, and I definitely like a guy who is not super muscular. I have also learned I do not like to be labeled in my relationship—I am not _________________’s girlfriend, and he is not my boyfriend. I am Morgan. He is_____________.

Sometimes, labels help us meaning to things we cannot understand. I often struggle sorting through my emotions. This year has been extremely difficult to sort through all of the emotions I have experienced. I felt relieved when I read this article: https://getpocket.com/explore/item/acedia-the-lost-name-for-the-emotion-we-re-all-feeling-right-now?utm_source=pocket-newtab. It allowed me to label the feelings I have been experiencing since last year: acedia. Apparently, a lot of other people have been experiencing it, too. Labels can be good, but we often make them negative. For instance, a sloth is an animal, but it has become to mean slow and lazy.

My mom recently said to me, “we can’t love what we label.” I started to think how true this was in many aspects of life. If we label someone stupid or fat, we already have pre-conceived notions of who they are. We can’t get to know them, and who they are, because we have already determined who they are. Just like what I did with Ilya 15 years ago. In a way, labeling takes away our freedom—it takes away our curiosity. Labeling someone means to assume something about them, and assumptions are often wrong.  The statement came from a sermon she heard at church, which can be found here: https://vimeo.com/511477007. Labels can ascribe characteristic to a group of people, but that doesn’t mean every person in that group fits the generalized description to a T. We label in ourselves what we hate about ourselves.

Labels are good for food. They give us nutritional information and necessary facts. Labeling diseases tells us what is wrong, and how we can be healed. Medicine is labeled, so we know when and how mush to take. We label clothes and mattresses, so we know what they are made from, and how to take care of them. We label things for safety and for health. We put labels on packages we send in the mail, so mail carriers know where to take the package, and the mail gets to the right location (Mislabeling has caused a package I sent to end up in Georgia instead of Greece, which wasted both time and money and was extremely frustrating). Often, after we read and understand those labels, we disregard them because they have given us more clarity and understanding. We need to do this more in life and with other people. We need to throw away the labels. We need to learn for ourselves who someone is. That’s how we learn to love them.

When you label objects, the label goes on the outside. We write what the leftover is on the outside of the package. Food labels are on the outside of the package. We affix a mailing label to the top of the package, not the inside. The important information is seen. But in humans, the outside labels can cause more harm than good. Labels are for the outside of things, and people are more than what’s on the outside.