Supposed to Be

Have you ever had a moment of pure happiness? The world seems like a movie, and you are just watching it? Your life makes you laugh and smile. There is a lot going on in your life, and you are stressed, but in that moment, none of that matters because you are calm and worry free. You are living your best life. You’re just happy, and you realize everything is going to be okay and work out. These moments are the ones that tell us we are exactly where we are supposed to be.  

One of the greatest disappointments we face in life is that our life is not turning out how we want or think it should be. We aren’t where what we want. This isn’t the way life is supposed to be. Maybe the person you want to date is dating someone else, you don’t have the job you want, your dream college rejected you, and you don’t have the life we want. Life is full of disappointments. When you are in your 20’s, you have a sense of disillusionment that everything will work out how it’s “supposed to,” (graduate, get a high paying job, get married, 2.5 kids, and live a life you see in the movies), but life doesn’t always end up how we want or think it should or will. We often have to struggle to get where we want to go. Often, we feel like we want to be other than where we are, and we are wasting precious time getting to where we think we are supposed to be/going.  

Life is not really that difficult, but we make it that way. Everything is not always perfect, and that is okay. We get discouraged when life isn’t easy. Find the moments of pure happiness to find your moments of pure happiness, where your life can be where it is supposed to be. Live life, and stop wishing it was different.  

But it might be a matter of perspective. What if we are where we are supposed to be? In the midst of chaos and relentlessness, the best of advice anyone can give you is this: “you are exactly where you are supposed to be.” This may not be the most encouraging news in life, but every single interaction in this life has brought you to where you are right now. Maybe everything doesn’t happen for a reason, but there is a reason behind everything. As you look back on life, the hard times and bad circumstance led you right to where you are today. To the person you are today. The person you are meant to be. Decisions made you in the past may have led you off course/ temporarily changed your direction, but this is how this life thing works.  

Here’s the thing: even if life isn’t currently where you want it to be, and is causing a lot of stress and anxiety, one day it will all make sense to you. The hard times prepare you for the future times—times which will be better. Low wage jobs prepare the foundations for your dream career. The relationships you had to let go, even though incredibly painful, are preparing you to be and be with the right person. Losing a loved one makes you understand people while they are living, and helps you understand the value of life and living.  Everything that has caused pain/discomfort becomes a lesson, and all the things you dream of, but lost, will eventually turn out for your better.  

Of course, it doesn’t feel like that when you are going through it. Everything—good or bad—is part of our own personal journey. There will always be things we wish we could change or forget; that’s part of human nature. Those moments, both the good and bad, will happen you become who you are supposed to be. We’ll say meant to be. The trick is overcoming the restlessness of waiting, and the idea that loss is always for the worse. Again, this is human nature. I have learned from Brene Brown that as humans are brains are wired to look for the bad. We have to retrain our brains to look for the positive. Even in the negative. The worst things in life may end up being the best things in life. The waiting for what is to come next is what prepares us for what is to come.  

Knowing you are right where you are supposed to be isn’t the easiest task. It’s a process we must learn and grow through. Too many of us wait for something to happen to change a particular circumstance in life. We cannot wait to be in the right place. We need to make the place we are in the right place. Living the life you are supposed to be living starts from within. The quickest way to living a life you love is through learning to love the life you live. 

People who are where they are supposed to be live balanced lives. To be balanced means you have a handle on the various elements of your life—work, friends, other relationships. Your mind and heart don’t feel pulled in one direction or another. Balancing your life will help you feel calm and stay grounded. You need to be grounded both internally and externally, which is a constant process in life. People, who find this balance, more often than not feel calm, grounded, clear-headed, and motivated. If they don’t feel this way, they have learned to realign themselves, so they can quickly return to those types of feelings.  

There are a lot of ways you can know you are right where you need to be in life. First, fear doesn’t drive your actions. Too often we let fear paralyze us, but a person, who is comfortable with themselves and their circumstances is where they are supposed to be in life. If you are struggling with fear, you need to pinpoint that fear that you are allowing to hold you back. It’s easier said than done, but we can do it, and we can move forward in life. Be honest with yourself: is what you’re afraid of, true? Can you know for sure? Is there another way to look at things? How would my best self tell me to react in this situation? Thoughts do not equal truths. We often convince ourselves this is the case. Remind yourself the thought may not be true—think of it as a passing cloud. Let them come and go. Don’t focus too hard on letting them stay, or they will. Negativity begets negativity, and that’s no way to live. Allow your true self to observe your thoughts, note them, and let them pass.  

As a planner, I understand the desire to want to map out our dream lives. I want my life to play out a certain way, and I am sure many people feel the same way, even if they are not planners. Having a mapped-out life is easy. It means no struggle. We get so focused on what we want, we miss the signals of what is supposed to be. I know having a quiet mind is something I struggle with. I listen to music to quiet my mind. That same music drowns out anything quiet my soul is trying to tell me. I have been trying to listen more. To meditate. To journal my feelings. To not focus on what I think my life should be, but instead focus on the journey to where my life is heading. I am learning to become comfortable with the life journey I am currently travelling. I am learning I can still have the plan of where I would like my life to go, but can be comfortable if I am being guided in a different direction.  

Practice gratitude. I have internally struggled with this one because I feel this is what in my religious upbringing, I was taught to be grateful for what I had, and if I wasn’t, then I was a bad human. I have learned I can want more while simultaneously being grateful for what I do have. I can love the job I have, but seek a new opportunity. People who express gratitude for what they have experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, and more regularly express compassion and kindness towards others. If you want to love the life you have, ask yourself daily what you are grateful for. I started a gratitude journal when I felt stuck from being in lockdown. Every day I journal 5 things I am grateful/thankful/glad for. I also have a jar where I place items that make me smile every day. Gratitude doesn’t have to be shows in only momentous occasions. We can simply be grateful we awoke in the morning. I have been trying to express gratitude for things I take advantage of. My health. My bed. My house. 

One of the biggest ways we can know we are where we are supposed to be in life is we accomplish goals we have set for ourselves. What goals/desires do you have that you are not living out? If you want to live a life you love, then you need to accomplish the goals you set for yourself. I recommend if it’s a large goal, you break it down into more manageable goals, and you reward yourself for accomplishing those goals. For instance, when I was earning my PhD, I rewarded myself when I turned each chapter of my dissertation. It’s important to allow yourself to be teachable. Identify your goals and the steps it will take to achieve them. You may have to ask others to help you achieve them. Write your goals down. Keep them on hand, so you can remind yourself of them as needed. Keep those goals in mind as you make decision throughout the course of your life.  

When you are trying to get to where you are supposed to be in life, your mind can be your greatest asset, but your mind can also be your greatest distraction. To be where you are supposed to be, you need to let go of the mental distractions in your life. Be present, now. If you can let go of things that could cause fear/anxiety, you’ll be less likely to get stuck in the cycle of distraction. You can distract your mind all day long with good music, hobbies, and all kinds of activities you can enjoy. I like to walk. Walking is beneficial by providing both health benefits as well as visual and mental stimulation. I love basking in the Vitamin D of the sunshine, and I love the stress relief walking gives me. You can also write down your thoughts. If you sit with your thoughts stewing in your mind, they can build up and cause anxiety and worry. Recording your thoughts allows your mind to settle. 

Be your own authority. Choosing to live the life you want and pursuing your dreams allows you to choose what will happen, and the path you will take. You may not have realized how long you have to pay the price of your own happiness as a result of the demands placed on your life. Choose success over mediocrity—choose to be the authority over your tiresome times, and believe your hard will pay off, and know your sacrifice is well worth it.  

If these things are happening in your life, it’s a good sign you are living your best life—the life you are supposed to be living. There is no day like the present day. Slow down your pace and focus on the good in your life, you will begin to see all that life has to offer you. Instead of focusing on the life you wish you had, love the life you already have. Paying attention to this alone will place you on the track you are supposed to be on. Sometimes, losing something can be the best thing that ever happen to you. The waiting for what comes next is exactly what prepares you for what is to come. No matter who you are, what you are going through, or what you lost, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.