16 Years

16 years. I can’t believe it has been that long. The last time I was in Minnesota was for my Grandma’s funeral 16 years ago, and I didn’t think I would come back to Minnesota, except for another funeral. I missed my best friend’s funeral years later… stupid GRE rules. I still feel sad I didn’t make it to Rachael’s funeral when she passed away. After all, I was in Graduate school in Indianapolis—an hour flight maybe. I wanted to be there. More than anything. Her family meant a lot to me; she meant a lot to me. But, I am going to Minnesota this week, and not for a funeral. Maybe while I am there I can go to her headstone. Maybe I can go to my Grandma Teri’s, too, since there was not a headstone on her gravesite when her funeral occurred.

I have always done a good job avoiding the place I was born. Since we moved to North Carolina almost 20-years-ago, I have rarely gone back. When Grandma Teri was still alive, visits happened, but after she passed away, I have not been back. I have always conveniently had a reason not to go. A couple summers ago, when everyone went for my Uncle John’s 50^th birthday, I couldn’t get off work, so I didn’t go. Truthfully, though, I didn’t want to go. I love my Uncle John, and I wanted to celebrate his birthday with him, but I have no attachment to Minnesota; there is nothing for me there. I feel bad saying this because I do have people there, who I love, who I am going to see on my upcoming trip, but I do not care to ever go back there. It’s just a place. North Carolina is home.

When I was 15 and my parents told me we were moving to North Carolina, I thought my life was ending. I was leaving everything I knew—all my friends behind. But, I quickly discovered, Minnesota was no longer my home, and those people were not my friends really. I didn’t hear from any of them after I moved. Except Rachael. She came to visit me. We talked all the time. North Carolina quickly became home, and I wouldn’t have it any other way now. I told Dad a few months ago coming here was the best decision he and my mom ever made. It’s an odd sensation…all of my siblings have moved away from home, but we all consider North Carolina home. I think we all want to end up back here. My parents want to retire here. Sam is coming back home soon. Kayla and Zach met and married here, and I hope they end up back here someday.

When the decision to go to my final (yay) Dissertation Retreat came down to Minnesota in June or Atlanta in August, it was a long and well-thought out decision.  Ultimately, it came down to timing—I will be in the midst of my Final Study in August. Doing a Dissertation Retreat wouldn’t really be effective then. If you have visited North Carolina in the heart of August, Atlanta is worse. No, thank you! HOT AND HUMID !!!! Minnesota should be beautiful in June. A nice break from the North Carolina heat—we have already been over 100 several days this year. This usually means July and August will be really hot and humid, which is the kind of weather I love. It will still be a nice break. Minnesota was the choice. I am just going to treat Minneapolis like any other city I have never been to. Only, there will be dinners with family. Luckily, I will be in a hotel room for most of the trip. I do have a couple free days, which I will be spending with my grandpa.

I always find it funny when people from Minnesota give me a hard time when I call North Carolina home. They insist that Minnesota is my home. It’s not. When they tell me how I feel, they aren’t listened to me, and they aren’t validating my feelings. I do not have a Minnesota accent, except the word “bag,” which I cannot seem to lose the hard A sound of.  I will admit I do have some Midwestern eating habits—I call myself a bratessieure because I love a good brat; I eat one (or two) every chance I get. I love to try new flavors of brats when I have a chance, but my favorite will always be a tasty beer brat. Or a cheddar filled brat. I love cheese curds—fried or otherwise. Some of my favorite foods come in casserole form. Oops, in Minnesota it is a hot dish. I have been told that I am too nice, which comes from being raised close to Canada….SMH L

 When I announced I was coming to Minnesota for school, none of those people, who give me a hard time, contacted me to get together while I am there. I’ve only heard from a couple family members, besides my Grandpa, who want to get together. So, clearly, I am not that missed by Minnesota. I did do something brave before my trip…I contacted my biological father (after making sure it was okay with my dad) to tell him that I would be in town for school, and if he would like to get together, I would like to. Honestly, I don’t think he will, and I am not really interested in seeing him. Every now and then, I think about how I have 3 brothers in this world I know nothing about. I am more interested in learning about them. I am sure he will not contact me, but I felt I needed to reach out at least.

Whenever I go somewhere new (and Minneapolis is basically a new city for me), I always try to eat things authentic to that city. Because I have familiarity with Minnesota and the food there, this was an easy one. Growing up, my dad has always made a hamburger called a Jucy Lucy—a stuffed hamburger. Minneapolis has the bar that originated them, so I will be eating one there. Just like the first time I went to Philly—I had a Philly Cheesesteak at Pat’s. That is one of two places to have claimed to originate the Philly Cheesesteak. Just like my experience in Philly, two bars claim to have originated the Jucy Lucy (more on that after the trip), so my cousin Danielle and I are going to one of them.

Other things I will be doing on this trip (notice, most of them are food related): my grandpa, step-grandma, and I are eating at my favorite restaurant, Culver’s, and I will be eating some of my favorites, butter burgers and cheese curds. There is a Culver’s in Wake Forest, but it’s an hour drive, so I am going to travel to Minnesota to eat at one, haha.  I am going to pick up bags of my favorite chips: Old Dutch Dill Pickle Chips and Puff Corn. Whenever someone goes to Minnesota and comes back, they bring some home for me. I have had other Dill Pickle Chips and Puff Corn varieties, but none are as good as Old Dutch. I can order them online through Target, and have, but the chips came opened and crumbled. Maddisson is giving me a hard suitcase, so I can travel with the chips without breaking them. Priorities. I really want to go to my favorite Asian food restaurant, Que Viet, because as much as I love North Carolina, there is no good Asian food here. There were a lot of good family dinners at Que Viet. I Googled, and it’s still open. There is one down the street from my hotel, so it might go there. It’s not the original, but it’s the same restaurant. Of course, there are some family dinners I would like to eat. Grandpa’s Spring Rolls, etc.

I will find ways to not get emotionally overwhelmed by the lack of connection I feel for Minnesota. It’s an odd sensation to have such an emotional reaction to a place I have no emotional connection to. It may be that everything that was there for me is no longer there. I have been preparing myself for the trip since I booked the tickets months ago. I will be positive. I will focus on my work. I wanted to go to a Minnesota Twins game, but the Twins will be in Detroit the entire time I am in Minnesota. I can go visit the Mall of America. Let’s be truthful….that’s not going to happen. I hate the mall and crowds. Danielle and I are going to have fun times as adults. I will try to have fun and enjoy the time I have there.

Honestly, I don’t know when and if I will go back after this trip. Even for a funeral. I just don’t know if I can. I will let you know after I go on the trip. It will be like my Nashville diary. During my time in Minnesota, I will probably not be on the internet a lot because I am trying to get my dissertation ready for the next step, so I can move forward. I am six months away from being a Doctor, and I am not going to let anything stop me.